Saturday, October 24, 2015

October 24th 2015 8:05

Today has been hard. I'm being ravished in between two feelings. It feels like someone's pulling my hair everytime I take a step forward, but when I step back, they're even meaner, and I'm throttled with a full force down. There's this Feeling of hopelessness at the peak of my hormones. I don't usually like when people use my hormones to dismiss my feelings of ~depression~, because they never seem to realize that I deal with it on a daily basis, my worst thoughts and feelings peak every month. It's nothing to dismiss, it's not normal to doubt my life as much as I do. I've gotten to the point where normal interactions are borderline useless because I'm so self absorbed. When I am most weak, I only see my life in one toppling instance.

What sucks most is starting the week, just wondering how you'll get through. I want to focus on work ethic, and how I can set up my mornings. But everyday, I know my real goal is to just be able to make it to Friday. Friday though, usually doesn't result in complete happiness, more like a harsh and cold pinch to the heart. Here is my life, I'm living it...all by myself. I can do anything I want to right now and it's scary. 

I've gotten bored of typing as of now. Everything I say is annoying and repetitive.